In hindsight, Special Prosecutor Mueller realizes his huge mistake of expecting today’s dumbed down American public actually READ his lengthy arcane report… So he wisely calls on “SESAME STREET” and ELMO to educate Americans about the Trump lies, corruption and obstruction that his report reveals…

ELMO toddles up to the Congressional press conference microphone…(Insert Elmo impression from here on)

Hi kids! Today we’re going to learn about the ABC’s, using Special Prosecutor Mueller’s report, that nobody can read past the first page without going into a f#cking COMA…

(Elmo points to a picture of Donald Trump during his campaign, mocking the handicapped movements of the New York Times reporter)

Elmo then begins the day’s lesson on the ABC’s for America’s dumbed-down population:

Now I assume you all remember from watching our show in the past, that “A” is for “APPLE”…But did you know that the letter A is also for the President?

That’s because “A” is for “A##HOLE-IN-CHIEF!”

“A” is also for “ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT!”

“Impeachment” is just a big fancy word for not letting someone be our president anymore, precisely BECAUSE he’s such an “A##HOLE”…

Basically kids, Special Prosecutor Mueller says in his FOUR ZILLION PAGE report that he did not charge President Trump with criminal obstruction on OVER 10 COUNTS where he detailed the evidence, ONLY because of the Justice Dept’s policy of not indicting a SITTING president.

If you are like me, Elmo, you are probably wondering, “Well if he couldn’t indict Trump because he was sitting down, why couldn’t he just wait till he STOOD UP, and he’d be a STANDING PRESIDENT?”…

GOOD QUESTION KIDS… I will have to ask and get back to you on the next show…

(Elmo then shows a picture of Atty General Bill Barr, from his press conference when the Mueller report was initially released)

Elmo continues the day’s lesson on the ABC’s:

Now let’s look at the letter “B”…

“B” is for BILL BARR’s BULL-SH#T!!

And “B” also is for “BITCH”…

Kids, you need to know that Bill Barr LIED to all of us when Mueller released his report, and told all of us that the report EXONERATED the President.

But Mueller actually wrote in his report that it DID NOT EXONERATE the President.

So can you say “BILL BARR IS TRUMP’S BITCH?” Very good!!

Now let’s look at the letter “C”…

“C” is for “COORDINATION”…

Can you say “COORDINATION WITH THE RUSSIANS?”

Bob Mueller’s report, hard as it is to read, describes in graphic detail MANY members of Trump’s campaign who actively COORDINATED with many Russians who were known to be connected to Russian President Vladimir Putin and Russian Intelligence.

“C” is also for helping us spell the word “COLLUSION”. Mueller’s report details a lot of COLLUSION between Trump and Russia, for the purpose of helping him get elected, while he was LYING to all of us that he did not have ANY business connections with Russia…

But kids, you need to know that Mueller’s report describes how all through the campaign, Trump was LYING about that, and covering up his ongoing effort to build a TRUMP TOWER MOSCOW, in which he offered Vladimir Putin a gift of a 50 million dollar penthouse at the top of the tower!

So “C” is a special letter, because it can also be used to help us spell some other related words today…Like “CORRUPT”…

Can you say “CORRUPT LYING PIECE OF SH#T?” 
VERY GOOD!!

And the letter “C” can also be used to help us spell the words “CON ARTIST”…

Can you say “CON ARTIST WHO HAS TO BE IMPEACHED?”

“C” is also the first letter of the first word in the question that all good Americans are asking:

“Can” you imagine??

Can you say, “Can you imagine how REPUBLICANS would act if OBAMA had been even HALF this corrupt and dishonest??

Elmo wraps up the segment:

OK very good! That’s enough for today’s “ABC’s” kids…But make sure you tune in tomorrow, when we will skip ahead to the big letter “H”, which helps us to spell the word that the WHOLE WIDE WORLD is using now, to describe the Republican Party:

“HYPOCRITES”

Connie Bryan

(Connie Bryan is a writer and comedian in Sacramento, and host of “The Connie Bryan Show” airing in 14 cable markets nationwide…Check out her show, standup comedy and much more on her website and blog at www.conniebryan.com)